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There is something you should know about me, but please don’t tell anyone.

I am an introvert.

Some people who know me would be surprised by that. I am not overly nervous or shy, and can be quite outspoken at times. I have a small group of good friends, most of whom I have been friends with forever, and most of whom do not live within driving distance of me. With the Mayor, the Bunny, my parents, my siblings, and my friends, I can be talkative and silly. I can be myself.

I appear confident at work, and I can even handle myself in a big group of people. But here’s the thing – I don’t like to. I hate parties where I only know one or two people. I hate networking. I hate making small talk. It exhausts me. I would rather hang out with the Mayor and the Little Man (or even by myself) than go to happy hour. Is that so wrong?

I have been reading about other Mommy Bloggers who went to Blogher last weekend with thousands of other women. From the sound of it, gossip, cliques, competition, secret parties, and judgment were rampant. Blogher sounds like my worst nightmare.

Of course this introversion has drawbacks when you move often. We have lived in San Diego for over two years now, and still have few people who we would call friends. Before the Bunny was born, this did not concern me. I thought the Mayor and I could handle everything on our own. In fact, I specifically told my mom that I did not want her to visit during the first few weeks after the Little Man was born because the Mayor and I wanted to have the time to figure things out ourselves and bond with the Tiny Bunny.

And then, wham! The Tiny Man arrived six weeks early by C-Section. The first day, he was in the NICU at the hospital where he was born. Then at 4 a.m. the next morning, the Neonatologist came into my hospital room and woke up the Mayor and I to tell us that the Bunny was being transferred to a different hospital because he needed a higher level ventilator. My mom arrived that morning, the Mayor’s dad was there the next day, and my Dad the week after. We could not have survived without them.

Luckily, the Little Bunny made it through, and was at home three weeks later. We were so glad. This is what we had been longing for those three long weeks. But by the time he was home, our parents were gone, back to the other side of the country. And there we were. In San Diego. Just us and our Bunny. Our Bunny who slept for twenty minutes at a time. Our Bunny who had reflux and colic. Our Bunny who could not be exposed to germs. Our Bunny who hated hates his car seat. Of course, our parents did come to visit here and there, but they live 2,000 miles away. We were mostly on our own.

Now that we have the Little Man, I wonder if my introversion is a liability. I wonder if we need to push ourselves to make new friends wherever we go. I wonder if we actually can’t do it on our own. I wonder if we need community. I’ve been trying. But its hard.

About Me

Mom to a one-year-old Super Bunny. Amateur cook and photographer. Tiny living enthusiast. Lawyer who would rather write about muffins than motive.

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